I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
