Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
