Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
