First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
