I would go down on you faster than GM stock
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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