why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
