Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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