So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Dick very happy bro
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
