I want to stick my p in your. b.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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