i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
