i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
