Michael Bay diarrhea
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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