dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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