Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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