i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
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