Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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