so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
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What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
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i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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