well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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