I'm really into asian looking animals
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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