Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
