This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
