This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
