AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
