maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
