Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
