so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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