Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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