why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
