It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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