dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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