He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
