even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
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Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
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Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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