I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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