Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
