Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone says I win the strip club
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
COCAINE IS GR8
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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