why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
that may or may not have been my penis.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
