my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
