Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
