i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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