there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
