she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
