i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
