I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
