the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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