Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
