We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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