The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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