So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
