i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
