haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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