Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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