What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
