things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
