my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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