the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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