This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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