i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We talked him into tasing himself.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
