and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
