The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
