ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
