Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize