Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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