Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
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his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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