Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
