Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
His hands were made for my vagina.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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