ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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