Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
